I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it's like iHOP with fire
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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