last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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