Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
