It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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