dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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