you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
