i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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