One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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