glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
