Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
