they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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