I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
