Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
