thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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