She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
