My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize