Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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