I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
