Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize