Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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