I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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