So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
