Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
