Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
