Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
