90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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