i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
