I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
