I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
