you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
