I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
