need another drink. this is the easiest way
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
