He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
