The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
