They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
