Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
