We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
