Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
