You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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