Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize