There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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