I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
