I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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