i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
