is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
