Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Couch. On fire.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
