I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
