i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He felt like a one man threesome
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
