I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My ass is underappreciated
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
