It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
