I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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