well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
