he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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