I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
