some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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