I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
