Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
