cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
so much tequila, so little girl.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
