I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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