I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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