Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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