Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
