He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This is the high leading the old right now
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
