2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize