I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
