I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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