I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize