there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my being single is dangerous.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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