if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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