Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
