Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
