We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
