I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
