i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
