you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
