I smell stomach acid.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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