I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
