One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize