I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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