Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
