he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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