i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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