Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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