Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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