if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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