alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
