he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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