I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
