sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
