You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
