I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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