i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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