I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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