did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
