fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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