hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
