Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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