Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
