So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
