she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
