Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
