You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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