Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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