I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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