im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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