Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
