Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
